double layer'd conscience

sometimes, i dream inside a dream, sort of like a double-layered dream.

the thing about the second layer is that i have more freedom than the first.

in the first layer, i am allowed some level of freedom, kind of like a RPG- im allowed to walk around as i wish in a set frame.

on the other hand, the second layer- dream inside a dream, i am allowed to construct the world from scratch.

it starts by me dreaming in the first dream. sometimes i fall asleep in a dream, meditate, or somehow get transported there.

i start by me floating in a blank space. and what i do is i "wish" for something, and it pops out. its plain magic. i don't get lucky most of the time, but sometimes i am able to get into the second layer. maybe once a year.

and today (1st jan) afternoon, when i napped, came the lucky opportunity.



I was in a sort of a supermarket kind of place, in my dream.
i was sitting down on a wooden bench, while waiting for my mother's shopping.

i decided to close my eyes, and dream.



and -poof- i was in a blank space.


i wished for something happy.

and my primary school crush (when i was in japan) was there, looking just as old as i am and still looking like her. and i was thinking, hell, i could say and do whatever i want here in my world. (yes i realise its a very scary world)

we talked a bit, something like, "how do you do", "I'm fine, you?" and when i stepped towards her...

i was back on the supermarket bench. darn.

so I concentrated, and i went back there.
i started from scratch, and we talked again, and when i reached out a hand towards her, I was zapped back to the bench.


I was shocked. i was able to do anything, and -anything-, for instance... fly, turn into gas, fall down from a building and feel nothing, lift up an elephant... -anything.

and i couldn't even touch the "girl of my dreams".
maybe my super-ego is too strong when it comes to the person i like. its like total mental self-discipline when it comes to things like that.


I was like, darn, but oh well.

I compensated by creating the second layer with me running naked on a highway at like 300mph. it feels great.

-one of my friend asked me why i write about relationships nowadays.
its because i am afraid i will forget about it as i grow old. so this will be for future reference. something for me to laugh at, in the future.



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