rennai

lets talk about being "in love" now that i've talked about "falling" in one.
romantic teenager time again.
i should cherish this time since i'll probably throw these things away as i walk on.
however foolish it is.


i think, being in love, is bound tightly to being lonely.
when you're lonely, you are probably in love with something.
its something you notice, when you have some spare time, and suddenly decide to look at yourself,
you realise something is missing. something is void inside- or around- you.

its like how after this quicksand engulfs you,
you're left with total darkness and no oxygen,
but only your thoughts and memories
for you to see, to feed you, to keep you alive.
and you get to have a look upon yourself at that time
because
there is nothing else that you can see.

so in a way (in MY way),
when you're in love.
you're in love with yourself,
just as much as you're in love
with something that you think you do.

and when you love yourself, you start to notice things about yourself.
like empty spaces.

do you love yourself first than love something else?
or love something else than realise the love for yourself?
its almost simultaneous, i think. but i think its closer to the latter.


and you wriggle around in the dark air-less space.


but afterall its just me,
or maybe its just a japanese thing to associate love with isolation.
(thank you dexter for providing me answers to most of my questions. yes, its because im japanese)

we have separate words for love.
one is "ai" which means love in a more... common sense, quite the same with the love everyone talk about.
the other, is "koi" (no, not the fish)
which means you love something that cannot be reached, you don't have, or dead. gone.

i'm probably only talking about the latter,
maybe i haven't reached the mental maturity stage of "ai" just yet.

------------------------------------------------------------------

from today onwards im going to study.

------------------------------------------------------------------

3516