dream diary

every fucking second, i feel better than before.


sometimes in my dreams, i am slick, cool and quite witty.
i think its because its a dream- you don't really have a choice,
the whole thing is actually script-written for you, by you.


last night's dream was like a freaking movie-shoot. so darned Epic.
I was lying in this intensive care unit, where the docs are all nice and stuff-
the doctors were avoiding to say the truth, but i know, i was to die in less than a year.
i have a numb throb of pain all over my body, and nails in the back of my eyeball kind of feeling.

than this love of my life comes, looking like an angel,
(i like dreams, they make dreams come true)
says, "how do you feel?" in a way that she knows more than me how exactly i'm feeling,
but faking it, and looking alright so as not to make me worry.

than I say, "Every fucking second, i feel better than before"
a cool line, i thought, as i am surprised by the horrible crack in my voice.
"i feel alive" i continue, "and im with you" whew, this one is touching, isn't it.



now, as i wake up, i wish i could die like that,
come face to face with death, and still be quite honestly cool about it.
but for now, i must live like im quite honestly cool about it.

and honestly, every second, is my best.
and i think its because of the people i am with.
family friends and strangers.

it must be horrible to die knowing that you're alone.

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