tags

Alex tagged me. fwee.






1. What’s your ambition?

too many to recall,
too trivial to mention,
too great to admit.

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?

I wouldn't know, would I?
you make me smile, with your cruel jokes.

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?

all the time. although i stop at the stage,
where i imagine the smell and the stains i would leave in this world, after i decay.
too much mess for the other people to clean up.
it takes a selfish person to commit suicide, don't you think?

oh wait, if i would incinerate myself like the freaking terminator, i won't be so messy.
hmm. hang on ill have to think about it for a while.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?

I can be very confident.
Although, not in your typical sense.
is it "enough"? surely enough for me to stay alive, yes.

5. How many babies you want?

what a vague question.
babies for what? drown? throw? keep in a little box and carry out philosophical (and quantum physics) experiments?

6. Favorite perfume/fragrance?

the fragrance papers i throw into my cloth drier.
I know nothing about perfumes.
its not in my culture, anyway.

7. What is your goal for this year?

are you trying to be funny again, because its already the end of the year already.
i know your plans. you are going to sneer and say "and is that possible?".
my goal is to say "Life is never a slow dying", and im succeeding, so far.

8. Do you believe in eternal love?

"believe" is a term i would not use, i think "hope" would be more suitable.
but people use "believe" for religion, so maybe it was pretty okay to start with.
so, no, i don't "believe" in eternal love.
I am too superficial to start with, and i have no life of eternity.

9. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 10)

preferably, human
preferably, alive and moving
preferably, female
preferably, has a functioning brain
preferably, has a functioning body
Sadistic
gets my sense of humour
has emotions
willing to leave me for someone better
able to forget about me, fast.

10.What feeling do you love most?

when i feel horrible, as in, mentally ill, spiritually deprived, physically devastated, or almost critically injured.
it reminds me how awesome it is to be healthy.
mentally and physically.

11. What is your bad habit?

bad sense of humour.
more specifically, i enjoy being realistic.
because reality is a comedy in disguise of a serious face.

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hate you?

if you are my friend, than well, "thanks."
if you aren't, no. i don't have anything to say. I would just smile,
because i know that they are wasting their time on fruitless passion.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?

i think I'm unworthy of every single one of them. but I try.

14. What do you hate most in others?

nothing. every aspect of a person is both good, and bad. nobody comes across to me whom i hate, for its qualities.
however if i were to see my doppelganger, i would love him and hate him at the same time.

15. What do you crave for the most currently?

nothing.
perhaps emotions, to start with? haha.
everything else can be attained if i work hard enough.

16. What features/quirks do you find totally sexy on a guy/girl?

primitive weapons?

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.

alcohol
oh, i thought you said 7 characters.
what, never mind? right.

18.What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?

lye to myself that i am happy. never works, but oh well.
I'm happy :)
i get genuine happiness more from external factors.

19. What will you become in another 10 years to come?

hmm, its not "want" but "will" huh.
ill have to make prophecies, than.

a rockstar fighting doctor who;
needs no rest because he injects himself suitable supplements,
is happy because he has awful social life,
never fails to drive patients to suicide (somehow) after saving their lives,
scares the shit out of patients with "you have..." jokes
has the same nokia phone from 10 years ago,
still hopes for a terrorist attack so he could die a hero
has no girlfriend still
perpetually studying to specialise in some field.
perpetually doing some sort of sport to fight back the age.

20. Whats your guilty pleasure? (something you usually wouldn't admit out loud)

I take pleasure in making people happy.
I wouldn't admit this in real life, because it is paradoxical and narcissistic in pursuit.


-Instructions-
answer questions.
tag people.

I tag;
everyone in my link list.
especially;

Dexter whom recently posted a new entry.










Sometimes, the reality strikes fear in my mind more then nightmares.

Today I dreamt about making Plasticine models, breaking room dividers and ceilings in a large house, playing golf in thick dust,
and I woke up in my bed. and I realised i am already 20 years old, going on 21.

I thought to myself, "next thing I know, I'll be turning 30 and after that, 40". which brought goosebumps.
"scary shit" i say, and sit up.

I'm not sure whether to relax now so as to compensate for the busy life I'm going to lead,
or work harder, play harder in order to escape from the reality bricks falling from the sky of conscience.
I'm not sure if i could live on with the realisation of the fact that my body and mind will deteriorate,
or choose to die, at the pinnacle of my life (which, i ALWAYS think, is NOW)

But no, i cannot die.

because there is no such thing as a complete deterioration, some of the property change could be called "progress"
instead of "retardation".
who knows, i might reach onto something, something quite freakishly astonishing, when i am 80.

so, just in case that happens, I'll need to keep thinking, keep being flexible, keep working, keep striving.

Life seemed like its best all the time till now, so perhaps i see life as a constant uphill climbing, and there IS no downfall,
unless I self-impose my own failure.
It is rather funny that I can never fail to find something pretty special in everyone,
except myself. I must realise that I am not so different from everyone else i see.

I think.
If life seemed to be more filled, or more lively in our past,
it is probably because it WAS. however,
its not impossible to fuel into yourself, fuel that is all that
hope, expectations, and passion towards life.
perhaps when we were younger, our parents supplied that fuel for us.
all their expectations, hope, and pride.
Perhaps that is why we feel so heavily burdened sometimes.
now that we have to leave our parents, we need to supply ourselves with the fuel,
till we find a mutual-fueling-device that is our friends, spouse, or children.

thus the importance of having families.




this was actually in my dream. I was talking to myself.

perhaps i was re-fuelling myself, in my dream.
to drive thru this rough terrain that is reality.