a couple of people gave me motivation to weblog so i will.
(and also because its one week before exam. you all know how i feel. i won't digress.)
People form all sorts of Expectations. EXPECTATIONS. to people, things, and ourselves.
there could be "positive" expectations, there could be "negative" expectations.
for some strange reasons, "positive" expectations are considered blessings in some little areas of this world.
"oh my son will do well in his studies. i'm sure of it"
"oh that girl is a genius. she'll get an A, she won't even have to work for it"
however, I feel that expectations are epitomes of selfishness.
it reflects how insecure we are, and how we try to feel safe and secure by trying to make people behave how they want people to be.
an easy example is the second example i've put above.
a boy A says "Oh girl B is brilliant. she's so smart, she always gets an A, she will surely do well for her next exam".
this is an expectation, right? a high one, a positive one as well.
however, what really is happening is this. - boy A feels secure by saying this. he feels good somehow. how is admitting defeat a feel-good thing to do?
how does this happen?
it goes like this - if he "expect" girl B to do well in studies because she is "brilliant", boy A gets to put the blame on the difference between the quality of his brain, and girl A's brain.
its not because boy A didn't put in as much effort as girl B, nor because boy A did as much preparation as girl B. its because boy A is stupid. who can help being stupid, right?
I think this practice is so common nowadays, and the worst part of these expectations is that it will affect the recipient - the girl B.
she is tricked into thinking that she is actually "brilliant". she will think "oh i cannot forgive myself if i did not get an A - afterall, i am brilliant, right?"
its almost always wrong.
not everyone has a brilliant mind, and - whether we like to admit it or not - a Lot of us are Lazy bums.
so, what those expectations will achieve is that it gives the guy A the right to be lazy and girl B the unnecessary pressure and stress. its not doing anyone good.
That is why I do not expect.
(see why i don't mind that i don't meet you, M.A?)
11 comments:
That is why I do not expect.
Not even a little bit?
Wow now THIS is brill...I love how you explain everything so BLOODY clearly (My bad, its really early in the morning where I'm at)
And you're so right about expectations...I just wish...I wasn't so Chinese (EXPECTATIONS)
>>Joshua
I actually do, but I try not to. its like saying "thats why i don't eat fatty food" but the only way to really do that is stop eating.
either you're lying, or you're dead.
I'm not dead yet in that sense.
>>Punk Chopsticks
thanks. its always nice to know if i make any sense... or not.
i guess any Asian parents would be expecting a whole lot from their kids... well its good in a way that it pushes us to go further but it also tends to push us off cliffs. and some of us fall and die! haha.
Haha. Well of course a little bit. You're trying to become a doctor. Because you want to help people, or something like that. You must actually believe you'll be able to do someone some good. So you don't really have the "luxury" of not expecting.
joshua. haha yes. i do HOPE i can help people. but i think there is a fine line between believing what we do is always going to help, and hoping whatever we do is good.
i can say that all the treatments doctors give you, there is no 100% guarantee that they will be of your good. most of us hope and pray that it will, but its slightly different from expectation.
once we start to EXPECT patients to get better, i think its time where we have to re-evaluate ourselves.
Expectations are EVIL.
When you're expecting things to be good, they often disappoint you.
And when people have expectations of you, and that they're practically shoving them all down your throat, you get frustrated when you don't fit into the mould they're expecting you to be confined into.
Conclusion: You expect, you get upset.
That is why I do not expect too.
Hahaha. Expectation are commonly selfish, and selfishness is evil, but expectations are not necessarily evil. I expect constantly, though Tatsuki would probably call what I do "hope". But I do both.
Expectation cannot disappoint, but you can become disappointed with the outcome. Whether you are pleased or not is a decision you, the expecter, makes. When I send twelve zerglings to an enemy base and they are obliterated by his siege tanks, do I sit down and pout? No, I reformulate. To say that one does not expect is ridiculous. Everything we do cognitively is based on an assumption, and therefore, an expectation.
When Swei lays down in her big bed at night, she does not "hope" it will stay together, she expects it to. While I am punching these keys, I am expecting something (what I type, even) to be written to this screen. When boy A says "Oh girl B is brilliant. she's so smart, she always gets an A, she will surely do well for her next exam" we can assume that he expects her to do well (we can also assume that he is teasing her, given lack of context). If Swei's bed collapses with her in it, my keyboard malfunctions, and girl A fails miserably, is it the fault of the expectation? Not necessarily. Swei's bed is man made, my keyboard is also and fourteen years old, and girl B is alive, only subject to boy A's expectation if she subjects herself to it.
To say "I don't expect" is utterly ridiculous.
of course, "i don't expect" was only true in a small context that i have said in the original post - provided that the definitions are mine.
basically, for me, expectations seem to only concern only the expect-er (or the expect-tator) and not the person.
the original text was concerning only about people-people expectations, not the broad definition of expectations...
i am perhaps thinking the combination of expectation AND the expect-er's reaction to the outcome.
usually people expect things to happen, and when it happens, its like, typing on a keyboard. its what is "supposed to happen". it sort makes all the expected's efforts seem like nothing.
of course, I do expect- just that i don't expect from people. i do expect my keyboard to work fine - but sometimes i do feel like i have to thank them for working fine all the time.
the original text was concerning only about people-people expectations, not the broad definition of expectations...
Hah. Yeah, that's what I figured, I was little hesitant to write, but your web log does start off with:
People form all sorts of Expectations. EXPECTATIONS. to people, things, and ourselves.
Which really is the broad definition. :P The same mind you use when you expect the chair not to fall over is the same mind you use when you expect your mother to be satisfied when you take out the trash. The same process of expectation she used when she asked you to take out the trash.
of course, I do expect- just that i don't expect from people.
I still don't believe that. I doubt that you write here, that you have a list of your friends on the top of the page with a short blurb about each of them, that you, several times, wrote the page views number at the end of your log, that you have replied three times already to the comment of this post with something more than a gesture--simply for your own pleasure. I don't believe you're simply acting or reacting. Swei is a very tender girl. I've read many days' worth of what she's had to say. So when she says, "That is why I do not expect too." I know she's full of crap. And I don't think you're so different. You're human; humans expect.
but sometimes i do feel like i have to thank them for working fine all the time.
Funny. :P
yeah looking back, my very original text said *people things and ourselves* but my thoughts were kinda centralized on people-people interactions. my bad for being confusing...
I disagree with the part where you said
The same mind you use when you expect the chair not to fall over is the same mind you use when you expect your mother to be satisfied when you take out the trash. The same process of expectation she used when she asked you to take out the trash.
see, the chair - well, an ordinary chair, doesn't have a mind of its own. it can't make decisions for themselves.
there is always a choice - to HOW to feel towards stuff. see, so what I like to do is, I try not to EXPECT other people to be satisfied, or take out the trash. they're not chairs, or keyboards.
so... what I hope to do is that I *hope* my mother will be satisfied, and I *hope* my son will take out my trash.
by doing so, i think it will change my attitude towards them too.
the main message i wanted which you helped me sort of solidify was that we should NOT expect a 100% from a being which has freedom of choice and performance.
Ah. Well, I'll stop here, then. Anything else and it's just semantic. See, I reserve *hope* for spiritual connotation. Intangible. Salvation, Redemption, eternal life, that kind. Things that have been promised; things that have been given but haven't been fully realized. What you call hope, I call expect, so I'll just make a fool of myself if I continue. :P Besides, I think I kind of wore this one out. Haha.
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