from outside the current.

we never really grasp the concept of things, when we're right in the middle of it.
just like how we don't know anything about the universe, or the earth,
just like how parents don't know anything about parenting,
just like how we don't know how to be human when we're one (hopefully)
just like how we don't know anything about the reality while we're flowing right in the middle of it.

(i will digress about this, later)

so i guess i would be better off thinking about university while i am still not in university.

i guess university will be a place to learn, still yet, after all the GCSE and A-level business.
i really don't mind studying, and furthermore, when i think about my course specifically, i guess the things i learn will be fairly practical.
perhaps this will be interesting and quite tiring in the same time.
because everything i learn would contribute somehow to my future career, and every flaw in my knowledge may mean one less life saved.

maybe this applies to everything, because in my opinion, no knowledge is useless knowledge.

well, but the things i may learn in university will be quite convincing, in that way.
dangerously convincing. when something is convincing, it has a high probability it may be fake.
I'd have to keep asking myself whether i am learning the right things,
whether each and every aspect are there for the sake of efficiency and not convenience, etc.

i guess i would face politics. especially in the final years where we may have to suck up to profs.
that, i may have no problem. i am neither exceptionally bright as to invoke jealousy from them nor too dim to get them frustrated.

i guess i won't have friends. only competitors and mutual benefit people.
although... there is no such thing as friends without mutual benefit.

i just have to work hard. find joy in tortures and befriend stress.
no-problem-o.


(digression)


because we don't really grasp nor realise what things are while we're in the middle of things,
we cannot really figure out life while we are alive. so in a way, it is half-futile to think of life as we live.
we'll be too busy living, and thinking about life will be a leisure we cannot afford.

but perhaps thinking about it may steer us closer to walking on the path we'd like to choose.
sort of like holding a torch-light.


once we die, perhaps we would be given a time to reconsider our paths that we've walked upon,
and because we're away from life, we're given a different perspective and a clearer picture.

hence we would be forever suffering for the regrets of what we have done wrong, or be rewarded for what we did right.
that, perhaps, would be a perfect picture of heaven and hell.

but this is just imagination.
pfft. nonsensical crazy talk.
its what crackheads and religious monks talk about.

perhaps i should get some children to comment about parenthood and compile them, make it into a book.
a new concept, no?

or let prisoners talk of freedom.
that would be fun.

(end of digression)